Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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