Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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