Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
