he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
