i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I deserve this hangover.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
