i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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