Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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