I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
