don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He did a backflip because drugs
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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