I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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