hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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