Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
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