I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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