Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
