had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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