my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
