OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
