The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
