And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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