I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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