used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
