I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
