You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
im holly from the hills drunk
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
