we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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