I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
