I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
