i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
