Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
