last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
