Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
everyone is single if you try hard enough
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
