woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
