I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
