I think my vagina is haunted
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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