new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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