So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
