genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
