If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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