so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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