He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
ttyl tear gas
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
