After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
