I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize