new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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