dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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