just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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