She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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