I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
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When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
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he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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