It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
