I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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