Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
The adults are the big ones right?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
