Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
