We need to rekindle our bromance
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
