You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
