; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
