Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
