he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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