just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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