i love accidental penises.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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