Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
