I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
