she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
