Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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