Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
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Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
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Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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