Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
