kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
