I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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