So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
