We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
