You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
