Got a toothbrush?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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